Always be grateful

"The more I read about people's life events, the more I feel that life is unfair. Well, life isn't a competition right? Peace!!!"

 I am trying to update this post fully in English, well well Fify got problems in her languages including Malay. Pardon her. I seriously don't know where to start, but I guess I have that some feeling of jealousy of other's life.

 Recently, every time I had free time, I will open FB or IG. I usually opened FB because lately, I am following some of great people who are great at properties management especially related to real estate property. While reading their successful story, and of course while I am scrolling the FB, others friend successful story ex;- managed to buy a house below market value, having positive cash flow, graduated in Master of Architecture, travel to too many places, having a good job, having a nice car, finally getting married, and etc... somehow it makes me think of how awful I am, lack in too many things and yet still struggling going to class and research every morning. 

 Every time I see those people (those who great at anything) , I keep thinking.. 

"Oooh, I should have started earlier.."

"Haih..I should fully concentrated in every language class, improved my language since childhood.."

"Oooh..I should followed my dreams earlier."

I keep regretting on too many things, and honestly the thing that I've regretted the most in my life isーpursuing my studies in Engineering. Back then, I keep thinking that how I should appreciated everything that happens in my life cause we might not know, others might think how lucky they were if they were me right? I am very sure, how many thousands of them who want to further study in overseas but didn't have the chances for it.

 It somehow took me a long time to take myself back to the track, I mean to realize that we should appreciate and thank to the God every seconds, even tiny little things that happen in our life. Everybody has their part, divided equally.. You got more on there, but you got less on this. That is LIFE. And everything happens for a reason. To keep you becoming closer to Allah. 

 I guess if I didn't get the opportunities studying in Japan, I wouldn't meet nicest people around me, I wouldn't learn to be strong, I wouldn't realize that family bonding is the happiest part of life, I wouldn't know that distance actually make the heart grow fonder, I wouldn't know to manage money or even small little things in my life, I wouldn't have a chance to travel places that Ive dreamt for, I might burden my parents a lot, and...and...... I wouldn't meet someone that InsyaAllah be the half me. =')

 "Be thankful for what you  have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough"_ Oprah Winfrey

Too scared to be home.

[Luahan yang dah lama tersimpan baru nak update semula]
Dear diary,
Rasa nak luahkan dekat semua orang, rasa takutnya untuk back for good.
Rasa macam kena prepare mental gila2, prepare hati, prepare spiritual and urgghhhh macam2 lagi lah. And with too many news bunuh2, lagila feeling menyesal teramat2 tak masuk seni mempertahankan diri. Since dah confirm tak sengaja jadi Engineer di Malaysia, hampir setiap malam tak boleh tidur lena. Otak dok fikir segala macam "taisaku' preparation untuk berada di Malaysia. Ok, let me list down what make me too scared to be home. HONESTLY, I AM NOT READY.

1. Driving in Malaysia wouldn't be the same in Japan.
My driving confidence has dropped to 0 percent in Malaysia, unless I drove 4wd car yang gedabak cket but tu pun confidence naiklah serba sedikit sebanyak 47 percent. Hmmm..i know, i know im that type yang nak laju je, tapi seriously laju2 di Japan terasa selamatnya sebab, entah.. I just feel safe. Di Malaysia, heh.. as pemandu sang kancil yang lapuk, memang kadang geram dengan driver2 di Malaysia. Kereta besar, mewah sikit mulalah berlagak. Apa guna penuh adat, sopan santun tapi di jalan raya, bertopengkan syaitan. And... ditambah lagi with some stories yang tak menyenangkan, kene sodok dari belakang lah, itula, inilah...and all of these made me to reconsider in owning 4wd car yang gemok2.. nak beli Range Rover Evoque ke, Audi Q7 ke.. memang dah tua agaknya baru boleh beli. Tapi paling terbaik, kalaulah ayah boleh jadi driver, walaupun beliau pernah menyuarakan hasrat nak jadi driver anaknya ini. Now, I seemly to understand ayah always said to me, "tak payah nak mengada2 drive sorang2, darah manis.." hmmm darah manisss sangat.

2. I am too scared with the guys.
I guess since last year kot, I got that feeling which is meluat. Bayangkanlah, nak buat passport je pun, dah buat muka kelat gila sebab orang yang buat kerja tu lelaki, siap ibu tegur suruh senyum. Yeah, ive become heartless fify, mahal dengan senyum when it comes to unknown guys, tak kisah la dia senyum2 nak ambil order ke, buat2 peramah ke, all I know is to shut up my mouth and buat pekak. Ceh, confident habis nak kena ngorat, but let it be.. tak ada motif pun nak sengeh2, coz o pleaseeee I am too scared dengan jejaka Malaysia. I know tak semua jahat, tapi.... haih. I only feel so safe if ayah ada di sebelah. Lintas jalan pun kalau boleh, nak ada ayah.

3. Too scared with the Malaysian yang gila2kan fashion.
I made a conclusion, lelaki tak akan mudah nak tegur perempuan tu if pemakaian dia sejuk mata memandang. Heh, you know what I mean. Terima kasih sahabat kerana beri sedikit kesedaran, walaupun kesedaran ini entah berapa lama boleh tahan. Sekarang baru terasa menyesal tak penuhkan wardrobe dengan pakaian2 yang labuh, kalau boleh nak jubah all black ke. HUUUUU... tipu lah, kalau nak cakap Im not into fashion, hello.. almost semua ig, Ive followed dari designer baju sampailah ke model2..haha. But now, hmm.. adalah kesedaran, nak pakai sexy pun pakailah depan husband. Itu lebih baik.. huhuhuhu...Sahabat nasihat, suruh buang semua baju yang memang tak elok dipakai, but for me... seriously, ohh my tak sanggup. Tak apalah simpan lah, kot2 dengan harapan dah kahwin pun muat lagi, boleh pakai dekat rumah. But, memang azam balik Malaysia ni, nak penuhkan dengan jubah hitam je ni..huhu

4. Of course I am too scared with the economy.
Dalam kepala otak banyak gila plan nak bukak bisnes, nak join itu, nak join ini.. semuanya sebab nak cari duit lebih. Memanglah duit tak boleh beli kebahagiaan, tapi nak beri kebahagiaan tu semua perlukan duit. Contoh, nak luangkan masa dengan family makan2, perlu duit juga kan. Well, kebahagiaan yang ditafsirkan orang lain2, but for me, when it relates everything with family...the time you could spend is kebahagiaan for me. Cukuplah harta untuk family, kalau berlebih tu insyaAllah itu hak orang lain. Tengok orang lain di Malaysia sekarang lumba2 nak jadi kaya. Yelah, semuanya nak lari dari kesusahan hidup...

5. Seriously scared to adapt with the Malaysian environment
Entahlah, dengar macam2 cerita kawan2di tempat kerja lagi2, if malays semua. Ye la tak semua sama. Kipas2 bos, mengumpat, bergossip, jaga tepi kain, and banyak lagi..somehow tetiba rasa tak biasa nak adapt dengan semua tu. Hanya mampu doa je la dari sekarang, moga nanti persekitaran tempat tinggal baru, tempat kerja baru baik-baik hendaknya.

I guess, all the things Ive mentioned above semuanya about negative things right? I know, we have to be positive every time but at least I can expect what could happen in the future. Hmmm hmmm..