Sweet man does exist.

Hello dear public diary,

Kesian blog dah berhabuk, sebab lately too many things to decide by pemilik blog. Ok lets postpone that thing... will talk about it later. Gonna update in English, cause my English suck day by day. So, again and again pardon my language.

Hmm, I don't know where to start, but above title.. I guess it could tell you many things. YES, I am not gonna talk about all the what we called "nonsense-stupid-love-relationship" , but hmm its all about what I've learnt so far from the man that I adore(unrealized) 6 years ago and what I feel after experiencing 4 times of heart-broken.

After break-up with past boyfriend, yes I felt like Im gonna lock my heart and throw away the key to the pacific ocean, so no one could open the lock. But, hmm it is just a decision when I feel that I can't trust any man.

But.. after taking a deep breath, and a long time of thinking, why wouldn't I try to open my heart to the one that I still have my heart on him since 6 years ago??? And honestly that was my what so called the "1st sight love" maybe.

But the question why now, you wanna try??why not 6 years before? I guess people are the same, we don't have the 'jishin', confidence , as like the person that we like is no way to feel the same, or at least to have the courage to get to know us. Therefore, along the 6 years, I've let many new person into my life till I learnt that each of them was the wrong person that I shouldn't meet at all. Back then I realize, after reading this quote "Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift."

And,maybe God wants me to learn something from the person that I've met so that I can improve in my marriage relationship. 

Last month, me and him got into a conclusion, for me it is a new fact that I just realized out of sudden when we chatting about relationship. 
1st, in many common relationship when it comes to love from just one side. For example the man loves the girl but the girl not. In this case, the girl will experience 2 phase or cycle in that relationship whereas 
1st phase: the man is trying so hard to get her heart..the man will do anything and the momentum starts. 
2nd phase: when he finally got her heart. The momentum starts to slow down because he has used all his energy on the 1st phase. And banggggg!at the end, the girl feels that he didn't appreciate her. Finally.. the relationship is going nowhere..

Without realizing anything, that kind of conversation pops up in my mind and that is the exactly what I feel from the previous relationship.

Sekarang, in this min, sec.. I still learning on how to have a stable relationship. Too many new things that I learnt from this man somehow open up a bit of my mind. I used to be the one who always the accepter in relationship but I know, not everyone will chase you like forever. People have limit. Its time for me to learn the give and take, and give more without expecting the returns.

I don't know why I found the way he is when in relationship was so cool and "bertuahnya perempuan yang jadi teman hidup dia.." always come up into my mind. And honestly he didn't make that too much effort, I mean he got his own way to make his effort.. and most important thing is he always there when I need someome to talk the most. From what I observed, I believe he is kinda a sweet man with his wife as he always simpan his sweetness walaupun kadang terkantoi. Hehe. Ok no sweet talk here, and let it be the secret between us.

Hmm, last but not least, I believe sweet man does exist.

P/s: can't wait for you to spill out the sweetness =') will patiently wait tough.

Lost.

LOST.
I don't know where to start, but hmm this is what I feel at the age of 23 y/o 4 months.
Lost.
Where everybody around you have started their careers, while you.. still trying to figure out what you gonna do in the future.

Lost.
Where some of your friend thought that you are pursuing for master, but the truth, you even don't have the degree and still having classes in the morning. CLAP!

Lost.
Where everybody busy talking about their spouse, their wedding.. or maybe busy attending friend's wedding ceremony while you.. you don't have anyone who wants to get serious with you. PISANG!

Lost.
When you have too many big dreams but you don't know how to achieve your dreams. I don't think that being engineer alone can make my dreams come true. Heh, coz you don't know my dreams are all about babeh.

Lost.
When you just realize that you should take care of your health, your body shape, your skin by now! But others had realized it earlier than you, since they were teenager maybe? BOOO!

Lost.
When you feel so loser every sec. BOOOOO!

Terbahagia di dunia.

Jujur ku mengakui

Pantas ku beri

Seribu pujian buat kamu

Jauh di dalam hati

Selalu ku rasa

Bersyukur aku mengenalmu

Kerna cinta dari kamu

Jadikan aku

Wanita TERBAHAGIA di dunia

Bersama kamu

Ku jadi tahu

Artinya waktu

lebih berharga dari harta di dunia

Bersama kamu

Ku rasa jauh

Lebih mengerti

Arti cinta tanpa harus mengucapkan cinta

Kamu ku yakin tahu

Ku yakin sama

Tujuanmu dengan tujuanku

Jauh di dalam hati

Selalu ku rasa

Bersyukur aku mengenangmu

Kerna cinta dari kamu

Jadikan aku

Wanita terbahagia di dunia

2014; the hardest year ever.

Hellooo...
As promised on the previous post, I'm gonna update about my life summary on 2014. Planned to update this before 2014 ends, but hahaha,well who don't know, Fify the Queen of procrastinator. Cehhh.
Hmm, I'm gonna start about the summary of my life month by month if I could remember.. I guess this could be a long post yawww!

#January
―I met lot of people during winter holidays, and learned more about Islamic knowledge. Alhamdulillah.
―struggle doing 卒業研究(sotsugyou kenkyuu) final research but seldom escape to bestie's house cause too stress to finish it.

#February
―Final research done. I passed all subjects although I got a repeat paper. Haha!
―Went back to Malaysia, the shortest holiday I've ever had, just two weeks!
―For the first time, manage lot of money, uhukkk.. I'm really not ready to be an adult.

#March
―Don't really remember if the graduation day happened on this month. But my dream came true, wearing hakama on the graduation day.Weeeee
―The journey to a new place; Fukui started.

#April
―University Entrance Ceremony, but we just took picture in front of the hall..haha
―Officially 3rd year Electrical and Electronic Engineering student of Fukui University.

#May ~ July
―Nothing in my mind, but I guess, I was busy discovering Fukui.
―I knew there were many people who were special to me once,or maybe still special, born on July. Hey, July babies..why you are so special..U got magnet, don't you?. Haha.

#August
―At last, got chance to see the biggest firework in Japan, which was held at Nagaoka. But, we got bad place to sit. Nvm, gonna book the seat this year for nice view. It is a must. But.. the saddest part is, got no chance to take my picture with yukata with the firework background.. and with someone that I wish to take with. T_T

#September
―Went a vacation alone, I mean travel alone from KLIA to Sabah. Haha. Met long time no see friends, childhood friends.. Was such a great moment that I cant ever explain. I got chance to watch car racing in the midnight too, and stuck at the airport with the gang as there were too many roadblock. Every night in Sabah was fun though.

#October
― 2nd October, again and again.. the 4th break up in my life. So the lesson, just be single, till someone proposes you. Okay, I will wait for you.
―Out of sudden, I've become close to someone.. the one who gave me support and strength. The one I admire too since half of decade ago. Haha.
―I guess God wanna show me something, clue.. why I should break up, why he left me with no words. Huhu. There must be a reason.
―Uhhh but wait, 2nd October also marked the best moment I've ever had in my life. The best night ever and I wish to repeat it again. :)

#November
―Life getting harder and harder cause my life turned 180 degrees.
―No proper cooks, meal..bad time and money management. Afraid of dark at night.
―Till I didn't even remember my birthday.

#December
― The worst winter holiday in my life. Nowhere to go with no partner. Haha. Becoming otaku.
―wish to have a short escape with him or just enjoying illumination together, but hope is just a hope.

I guess 2014 was the hardest year for me, and maybe for the Malaysian too. May 2015 full of happiness, joy, blissful, secrecy, warm love, success, luck, knowledge, sweet moments, eternal love, positive vibes, positive people, dreams that come true, picturesque places to go, prosperity, bless and many moreeeee!

Random thoughts on 2014

Actually nak update about 2014 summary.
Heh, but too early babeh.. and, konon2 nak update in English, sebab terasa English makin bodoh after exam TOEIC lepas.. but, heshh..
Terimalah hakikat lemah bahasa. So pardon my language.

Okay, back to the topic yea, random thoughts on 2014.. I will try to recall all my thoughts for this whole year. Heehee.. sometimes, we can recall the thoughts right? As its keep merry―go―around in our head. 何だこれ？？

#1 Don't expect that the happiness will be yours forever fellass..

#2 I've always wonder, that people use instagram just to show off their fucking luxury life...they got this, they went there, they got superb cars, they got superb crazy friends, they ate the best food in town..BUT, think the bright sight, they want to spread the happiness, maybe?? Ψ(￣∇￣)Ψ

#3 You will earn what you want when your will-power reached to the maxxx! Trust me, im livin it.. but, dont ask me how to boost the will-power.. coz I guess the booster is YOU, YOURSELF!

#4 Don't put too much expectation on your before-married relationship. HAHA! Coz it hurts too much when the relationship goes down.

#5 Just leave the guy, when you dont see yourself in his future. JUST LEAVE. Just dont waste your time. That's all.

#6 Sometimes you just need the time alone. See the world by yourself thus, you can explore youself more. Travel alone might be the brilliant idea, trust me. Hahaha.

#7 Just do what you want, and dont ever let others effect what you want to do. But, heyy beragak la jugak.. kalo ko nak pergi clubbing, member kata tak boleh tp ko pergi gak, memang nak kena hempuk! Contoh, ok.

#8 I believe that having 少ないbestie is far away better than having lots of friends. Apa guna ada berjuta kawan, but when you get upset, no ones care. Boooooo...

#9 Dont get mad when your parents bertekak tak bagi you hang out a lot, coz the truth is, they just want you to be with them. They just want to see you get lazy on the cozy sofa watching tv. Senang citer, they just want you in the house. Lalalala~

#10 People come to our life for a certain reason. But I always believe that God sends happiness to me via them. Million thanks to the people who step in my life. I'll carve your name in my heart,then.. heee

#11 ELEVEN. My fav number, so Im gonna talk about thing I've fancy for the past 5 years. It's all about CRUSH! So brace yourself or just skip this and just read the #12. Haha. You got crush, but at the same time you got lovers. Why? Because your lovers(read ex-lovers) had put on sooooo much effort to get you, whilst you crush(of course, he didnt know you had crush on him) did nothing for you. So who you have to choose then. Of course, the one who've chased you like crazy, right? Then, that time.. you just feel like, crush is just a crush coz you've already choose the chaser. I repeat, coz you've choose the CHASER. But then I realized, you had been crushed into him for the half of decade, so why dont you be the chaser????? Why not, try to be the CHASER at least once in your lifetime. Just be the chaser, or I might be regretted with what had happen to my ex-crush. But, be aware, don't put too much expectation, coz that Mr. Crush got heart too. He deserves to chase the girl that he wants too..NOTE that. Well, I will keep chasing as long as he doesnt run away. But if he gives the sign to run away, so I will stop..but I will not stop waiting for you. =)
But, hmmm Im not saying that I am the full-time chaser, coz I wanna play kejar-kejar with you too (^_^)v So, crush.. say YES if you wanna start the game. Ok, gedik level 1000. Next, please...

#12 Hmm, I keep wondering when my bestfriend's husband adviced me, try to keep away from the guy who chased you like crazy hell, coz once he got you, he will not appreciate you. Well, I experienced it once though. Hmmmm.

#13 The guy that propose you just to know you more is such a gentleman and NOT GELOJOH ok.. I dont think it is so gelojoh, but heyy, respect kot coz I believe guy yang macam tu as like 1 in a million. Please note, that..he proposes not only you, but your whole family okay.

#14 The future sometimes scared me. Who will I be in the next 5 years?? Does the job that I will have back then, make me happy? Will I make happiness more than I make money? What will be my first car??? Will I become an architect? Whose my spouse? Okay, Im not ready to say bye2 to my chicky-childish life. Im not ready.

#15 Why dont you try to go back to your hometown,once. Drive alone on the city, going nowhere just to feel that.. aaahhh..I've been here, I've been there, Ive passed this road a long time ago.. aaaahhh, you will know that feeling. Hometownーthe childhood place, where the place that you play kejar2, hide and seek, the place where you grown up.. go to school just to meet up your friend, and can't wait to hear the school bell to ring as it means that your playtime starts. Meeting long-lost friends and childhood friends give you a wide perspective to the world.

Well, hmm I guess there might be a lot of random thought, but hmm let me stop at #15 coz I'm so lazy to recall them. Well, should it be continued??nahhhhh, nope. Till then, well next update will be the summary of 2014. See ya.