Someone special

A note to myself.

"If you have someone special, act like you have one. "

Money vs life.

Hello dear diary,

Lately, banyak sangat benda yang bermain di fikiran. And before that, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah , alhamdulillah fify gonna be an engineer soon. Sounds weird but thats it... 

Hmm, walaupun sebenarnya hati macam ragu-ragu nak terima, tapi takpe, cuba dulu.. kalau tak kena hati, berhenti. 

At last, I followed my unexpected plan, which is balik Malaysia, kerja and at the same time sambung master in Project Management (construction related) and I plan to be a project manager, insyaAllah.. and keputusan balik Malaysia cuma satu： ibu ayah 

And to be honest, I am not that type of what we always called "family oriented person" cause I know, every single action I take, I never ask permission from them. And I am the only daughter who always break the rules. Never been in the house for too long when long holidays was me, as I don't feel like being in home. Home = stressload. 

At the age of 23, on last spring holidays, I just realized that being home is the only way I can make my parents happier. ='(

And, from that moment, I changed my mind not to work in Japan, although that is the thing that I've planned a long time ago, and I also got a dream of having my dream car after working in Japan for a year. Well, well.. it's time to say goodbye to my dream car, and all the duniawi here. 

I've been thinking about too many pros and cons if working in Japan. After listing the pros and cons, I found out that I don't think that I am suited to work here, as I am not discipline enough and I am very bad at stress management. 

For me, working in Japan means no 'life'. Wait, I know not all people means the same.  

'Life' in this situation for me is:

～ I can eat my mom's cook whenever I feel I want to after balik kerja ke.. 

～I can go home,be with family whenever I want 

～ I can ask any of my friends to have dinner together or listening to my probs,story, blablabla

～I can spend times many more with family 

～ Foodsss. As food lover, I can eat what I want anywhere. Heehee I love Jalan Jalan Cari Makan. Tell me where's the best food no matter what the distance is, I'm sure I'll have my leg there. 

～ Home, home, home, home. FULLSTOP.

So here the challenging part is,

MONEY vs LIFE

Although I've pushed the ON button, but seriously.. back for good is like something that really scared me enough. Everyday, I feel so scared being in Malaysia. Of course it's all about money don'tcha. But, everyday jugak I try to persuade my self, Allah kan dah sediakan rezeki untuk setiap orang, so why would you scare.. and I just believe, good things will come if we make our parents happier. =') insyaAllah. 

Secondly, yeah. Of course I don't feel safe in Malaysia. Lagi-lagi di jalan raya. I guess I have to listen to my ayah's opinion, that he gonna be my driver to go work. Haha. I am too scare to drive, coz I feel so disgusted with the Malaysian.. bila di jalanan terus berubah jadi syaitan. Turun kereta bukan main ayu, sopan santun, tapi bila di jalan raya, terus keluar tanduk syaitan. You wanna show off your driving skill, pergilah maen kat litar. Ok, fullstop.

Then, I've been thinking many ways in order to survive in Malaysia, as my friend just warned me saying "Fy, nak keje kat Malaysia kena buat side income fy, zettai." 

Almost every night I can't sleep well cause my brain can't stop thinking, what I wanna do beside work. I am interested in joining hartanah thingy, pelaburan, saham, etc. And I also got too many plans. But the sad thing is, all plans need money. 

Menyesal kadang memang menyesal sebab tak kumpul duit. But then I try to recall back where are all my money gones, it makes me a bit relief. I guess I've spend a lot of my money on travelling, seeing the world which I guess experience that money can't buy, besides it's okay to spend money just to make people happy, or those who needed,  and last thing.. apelah nak di compare duit untuk fam dengan kasih sayang yang diberikan. No regret, then. 

I've always pegang kata-kata ayah,

"Dalam rezeki kita sebenarnya ada rezeki orang. Kalau kita kaya, kita pegang amanah untuk tolong yang susah." =')

But trust me, rezeki itu always akan ada saat2 kita susah selagi kita tolong orang. Buat orang happy pun kira tolong juga =) Noted that. 

Hmmm, ok sampai sini sahaja luahan hati. Gonna update soon about my upcoming plans coz I have to start planning on my budget here and there, and a little bit research about my plan. Till then, see ya. 

Sweet man does exist.

Hello dear public diary,

Kesian blog dah berhabuk, sebab lately too many things to decide by pemilik blog. Ok lets postpone that thing... will talk about it later. Gonna update in English, cause my English suck day by day. So, again and again pardon my language.

Hmm, I don't know where to start, but above title.. I guess it could tell you many things. YES, I am not gonna talk about all the what we called "nonsense-stupid-love-relationship" , but hmm its all about what I've learnt so far from the man that I adore(unrealized) 6 years ago and what I feel after experiencing 4 times of heart-broken.

After break-up with past boyfriend, yes I felt like Im gonna lock my heart and throw away the key to the pacific ocean, so no one could open the lock. But, hmm it is just a decision when I feel that I can't trust any man.

But.. after taking a deep breath, and a long time of thinking, why wouldn't I try to open my heart to the one that I still have my heart on him since 6 years ago??? And honestly that was my what so called the "1st sight love" maybe.

But the question why now, you wanna try??why not 6 years before? I guess people are the same, we don't have the 'jishin', confidence , as like the person that we like is no way to feel the same, or at least to have the courage to get to know us. Therefore, along the 6 years, I've let many new person into my life till I learnt that each of them was the wrong person that I shouldn't meet at all. Back then I realize, after reading this quote "Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift."

And,maybe God wants me to learn something from the person that I've met so that I can improve in my marriage relationship. 

Last month, me and him got into a conclusion, for me it is a new fact that I just realized out of sudden when we chatting about relationship. 
1st, in many common relationship when it comes to love from just one side. For example the man loves the girl but the girl not. In this case, the girl will experience 2 phase or cycle in that relationship whereas 
1st phase: the man is trying so hard to get her heart..the man will do anything and the momentum starts. 
2nd phase: when he finally got her heart. The momentum starts to slow down because he has used all his energy on the 1st phase. And banggggg!at the end, the girl feels that he didn't appreciate her. Finally.. the relationship is going nowhere..

Without realizing anything, that kind of conversation pops up in my mind and that is the exactly what I feel from the previous relationship.

Sekarang, in this min, sec.. I still learning on how to have a stable relationship. Too many new things that I learnt from this man somehow open up a bit of my mind. I used to be the one who always the accepter in relationship but I know, not everyone will chase you like forever. People have limit. Its time for me to learn the give and take, and give more without expecting the returns.

I don't know why I found the way he is when in relationship was so cool and "bertuahnya perempuan yang jadi teman hidup dia.." always come up into my mind. And honestly he didn't make that too much effort, I mean he got his own way to make his effort.. and most important thing is he always there when I need someome to talk the most. From what I observed, I believe he is kinda a sweet man with his wife as he always simpan his sweetness walaupun kadang terkantoi. Hehe. Ok no sweet talk here, and let it be the secret between us.

Hmm, last but not least, I believe sweet man does exist.

P/s: can't wait for you to spill out the sweetness =') will patiently wait tough.

Lost.

LOST.
I don't know where to start, but hmm this is what I feel at the age of 23 y/o 4 months.
Lost.
Where everybody around you have started their careers, while you.. still trying to figure out what you gonna do in the future.

Lost.
Where some of your friend thought that you are pursuing for master, but the truth, you even don't have the degree and still having classes in the morning. CLAP!

Lost.
Where everybody busy talking about their spouse, their wedding.. or maybe busy attending friend's wedding ceremony while you.. you don't have anyone who wants to get serious with you. PISANG!

Lost.
When you have too many big dreams but you don't know how to achieve your dreams. I don't think that being engineer alone can make my dreams come true. Heh, coz you don't know my dreams are all about babeh.

Lost.
When you just realize that you should take care of your health, your body shape, your skin by now! But others had realized it earlier than you, since they were teenager maybe? BOOO!

Lost.
When you feel so loser every sec. BOOOOO!

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